Meanings of New World

NEW WORLD EXPLANATIONS...!

> Money is not everything.
> There's Mastercard & Visa.

> One should love animals.
> They are so tasty.


> Love thy neighbor.
> But don't get caught.

> Behind every successful man, there
is a woman.
> And behind every unsuccessful man,
there are two.

> Every woman should marry.
> After all, happiness is not the
only thing in life.

> A successful man is one who can
earn more than his wife spends.
> A Successful woman is one who can
find such a man.

> Wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

Meanings of Some Words

College : A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Etc : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide
that nothing can be done together.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Optimist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Rumor : News that travels at the speed of sound.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest of us...except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Software Engineer : One that is paid for sending and receiving these sort
of Emails!

Ye Meri kahani

Mera source code padh kar hasnaa nahin,
Ise chalata dekh tum fasna nahin,
Main testing karta hun boss ki kasam,
Bina piye Whiskey , Beer ya Rum,

Bill Gates milaa mujhe raste mein,
Beche Windows humne saste main,
Usne kaha "Tujhe CEO banaoo",
Ghar tere aake Operator ban jaoon...
Bill Gates ko kaha mere ghar na aanaa,
Bill Joy ko bol diya naa baba naa,

Chahe Boston me dede mujhe BMW car,
Ya H-1 pe dede mujhe dollar dus hazaar,
Par development ke liye main to kachha hoon,
Dus saal se Porting me achchaa hoon,
(slow)
Mere daddoo, likhe software,
Binaa use kiye, koi Hardware,
Meri beti, banegi Aunty,
Jab tak install hoga NT
(fast)
Release ho raha hai mera Software nayaa,
Unix ko DOS pe hai port kiyaa,
Microsoft ne jab mera H-1 kiyaa,
Bug free Windows maine release kiya...

Medical Entrance of Sardarji

Ever realized why there are so very few Sardarjis who are doctors;
This is the story of a Sardarji who applied for medical entrance test. Given below is a portion of the test answers he gave.
Read on.......

Antibody - against everyone
> Artery - the study of fine paintings
> Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria
> Benign - what you be after you be eight
> Bowel - letters like a,e,i,o,u
> Caesarian Section - a district in Rome
> Cardiology - advanced study of Poker playing
> Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty
> Chronic - neck of a crow
> Coma - punctuation mark
> Cyst - short form of sister
> Diagnosis - person with slanted nose
> Dilate - the late British Princess Diana
> Dislocation - in this place
> Duodenum - couple in blue jeans
> Genes - blue denim
> Enema - not a friend
> False Labor - pretending to work
> Impotent - distinguished / well-know
> Labor Pain - hurt at work
> Lactose - people without feet
> Lymph - walk unsteadily
> Microbes - small dressing gowns
> Obesity - City of Obe
> Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace Prize
> Protein - in favor of teens
> Pulse - grain
> Red Blood Count - Dracula
> Rupture - Ecstasy
> Secretion - hiding anything
> Subcutaneous - not cute enough
> Tablet - small table
> Tumor - extra pair / you die
> Ultrasound - radical noise
> Urine - opposite of you're out
> Vein - at what time?

Before marriage After Marriage

Subject: Marriage Warnings






Marriage Warnings

Finally, here is some warning given out in good faith!

Shaadi ke pehle - Agar Tum Na Hote:(
Shaadi ke baad - Agar Tum Na Hote:)

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad - Mortgage

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran

Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss:)
Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss:(

Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani
Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma

Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi
Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky

Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Apke Hain
Shaadi he baad - Hum Apke Hai Koun?

Tajmahal

> > >> > |
> > >> > /^\
> > >> > / \
> > >> > | | ( ) | |
> > >> > /^\ | /^\ \ / /^\ | /^\
> > >> > |O| /^\ ( )|-----|( ) /^\ |O|
> > >> > |_| |-| |^-^|---||-----||---|^-^| |-| |_|
> > >> > |O| |O| |/^\|/^\|| | ||/^\|/^\| |O| |O|
> > >> > |-| |-| ||_|||_||| /^\ |||_|||_|| |-| |-|
|O| |O| |/^\|/^\||( )||/^\|/^\| |O| |O|
> > >> > |-| |-| ||_|||_|||| ||||_|||_|| |-| |-|
> > >> > |O| |_| |___|___|||___|||___|___| |O| |O|
|_|_______________________________________|_|
|___________________________________________|

BEFORE MARRIAGE
> > >> > ------------------------------
> > >> > takdir hai, magar kismat nahi khulti
> > >> > tajmahal banana chahata hoon
> > >> > lekin mumtaz nahi milti
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> > AN ODE TO ALL THE DEVDAS
> > >> > --------------------------------------
> > >> > takdir hai, magar kismat nahi khulti
> > >> > tajmahal banana chahata hoon,
> > >> > aji, mumtaz mil gayi hai magar
> > >> > woh shaadi nahi karti
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> > AFTER MARRIAGE
> > >> > -----------------------------
> > >> > takdir hai, magar kismat nahi khulti
> > >> > tajmahal banana chahata hoon
> > >> > lekin mumtaz nahi marti!
> > >> >



arz kiya he......

Bevkuf tha wo Shahjahn
Jisne karodo Kharch kiye Mumtaj ke liye Taj banane me

Eisi lakho Mumtaje mil jati
Us rupeyo ke vyaj me

Car Acronyms

Car Acronyms:
============(no offense to any owner or manufacturer!)
- AUDI
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
- BMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
- BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
- CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
- DODGE
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
- FIAT
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
- FORD
(backwards) --> Driver Returns On Foot
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
- GM
General Maintenance
- GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Got a Mechanic Coming?
- HONDA
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else.
- HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
- OLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind
Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of
Buick's Irregular Leftover equipment
- SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.
- TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
- VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
- VW
Virtually Worthless

A Personality Test

A PERSONALITY TEST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> >The mind is a parachute; it works best when it is opened.
> >
 >This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely.

> >WARNING!! Answer the questions as you go along.
> >
> >There are only three questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results.

> >Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along.

> >You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire, which will tell you a lot about your true self.
> >
> >Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference.

> >a. Cow
> >b. Tiger
> >c. Sheep
> >d. Horse
> >e. Pig
> >
> >Write one word that describes each one of the following:
> >
> >Dog
> >Cat
> >Rat
> >Coffee
> >Sea
> >
> >Think of someone who also knows you and is important to you and you know well enough that you can relate them to the following colors (do not repeat your answer twice).
> >Name just one person for each color.
> >
> >Yellow
> >Orange
> >Red
> >White
> >Green


> >Finished? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT.
 >Look at the interpretations below:

A N S W E R S

Ans.1.This will define your priorities in your life.

> >Cow Signifies CAREER

> >Tiger Signifies PRIDE

> >Sheep Signifies LOVE

> >Horse Signifies FAMILY

> >Pig Signifies MONEY

Ans.2.Your description of dog implies YOUR OWN PERSONALITY.

> >Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner.
> >
> >Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies.
> >
> >Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex.
> >
> >Your description of the Sea implies your own life.
> >
Ans.3.Yellow: Someone you will never forget.
> >
> >Orange: Someone you consider your true friend
> >
> >Red: Someone that you really love
> >
> >White: Your twin soul
> >
> >Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life

---------------------x------------------------x------------------------x---------------------------x------------------------

Greate One Liners

GREAT ONE LINERS



*God is real, unless declared integer


*Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that
go wrong that one can't blame on the government.


*Do you have trouble making up your mind ? Well, yes or no?


*Home is where the television is.


*The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed
to tell you why it isn't.


*Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
Death is hereditary.


*There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right
side.


*An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it
sound confusing.


*Many things can be preserved in alcohol.
Dignity is not one of them.


*Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.


*When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

*Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.


*Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.


*Well done is better than well said.


*Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.


*They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance.


*Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.


*You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.


*I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and
look at it for hours.


* If you can't see the bright side of life,
polish the dull side.


* The light at the end of the tunnel is the
headlamp of an oncoming train.


* Where there's a will there are five hundred
relatives.


*Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is
away.

* Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody
wants to die.


* LUCK...stands for Labouring Under Correct
Knowledge


*Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.


* Never put off the work till
tomorrow. What you can put off today.


*The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.


*Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump & spill
your drink.


*These are my principles. If you don't like them , I
have others. -
> Groucho Marx


*You're twisted, perverted, and sick. I like that in
a person.


*If at first you don't succeed , Sky diving is not
for you.

Funny Questions asked in UPSC exam with Funny Answers

Amazing Answers


Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking
it?
A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it
take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four
apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with
one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
A : Dinner.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

A letter from a software professional to his gf

A Letter from a S/W Professional to his girl friend

Sweetheart, I've seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time I've been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless. You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. /* Which I never experienced before */.

With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked together, I'll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life. Also don't bother about the firewall, which may be created by our parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their security passwords and make them agree for our marriage. I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail. And it’s all but certain that if this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery. Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox.

---A Software Professional

Kahani puri FILMY hain

Funny Questions with Funny Answers

AWESOME QUESTIONS.... !

How do u CUT roads?????
>By LAUGHING.....
>Because "Haste Haste Cut jaye Raste"

=======================================================================
Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes A well. Luv falls into the well. Why???
> Because Luv (love) is blind !!!!!
Now , Kush also jumps inside. Why??
>Because Luv ke liye saala kush bhi karega!!!!
=======================================================================

Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. ???socho....... nahi pata..??
>Answer- D'Cold......Chan ki saans - D'cold
Chalo ab batao Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?This is quite simple.. .....
Ans: D'Cold again.......Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahuthi :-))
=======================================================================A beggar meets another beggar.A software engineer meets another software engineer. Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???

>So, Which Platform are you Working on ???....
=======================================================================
Question: What will u call a person who is leaving India??
Answer : Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
Question: What will u call a person who leaves India,but doesn't travel much??
Answer: Hindustan Lever Ltd (Limited).
=======================================================================
Q - RAM -'SITA' HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
Ans: TAILOR
Q - SITA 'RAM' HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
Ans: Sita MEMORY hai
=======================================================================
Once upon a time in an elephant school some loafer elephants were sitting on a wall.A sexy female elephant passes by. what do the loafer
elephants say about her?
36000 - 24000 - 36000 !!!
=======================================================================
Q -Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha ?
Ans: Adidas.
=======================================================================
Q - Prasad asks Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. why ?? why ?? :-)
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener
=======================================================================
Q - What is similarity between "Satynarayan Pooja" and "Indian Cricket Team"
Ans: Dono ke ant me "Prasad" aataa hai
=======================================================================
Q - Who is Joe?
A - "Kambakth ishq" - Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"
=======================================================================
Q - And of course, the grand finale............The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?
A - Dil Chhata Hai.......

Smile Please

When a Girl Cries ------------The World "Consoles" her.
But when a boy cries ----------They say Come on man don't be A "Girl" .

If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something".
If Boy Slaps a girl ------------ -- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies".

If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly".
If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting".

If a Girl meets with accident ------------ -------- Then its "mistake of others".
If a Boy meets with same accident -----------? - --?------ "Don't you know how to Drive" .

What a world is this ? Are the boys so bad?