Greate One Liners

GREAT ONE LINERS



*God is real, unless declared integer


*Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that
go wrong that one can't blame on the government.


*Do you have trouble making up your mind ? Well, yes or no?


*Home is where the television is.


*The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed
to tell you why it isn't.


*Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
Death is hereditary.


*There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right
side.


*An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it
sound confusing.


*Many things can be preserved in alcohol.
Dignity is not one of them.


*Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.


*When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

*Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.


*Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.


*Well done is better than well said.


*Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.


*They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance.


*Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.


*You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.


*I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and
look at it for hours.


* If you can't see the bright side of life,
polish the dull side.


* The light at the end of the tunnel is the
headlamp of an oncoming train.


* Where there's a will there are five hundred
relatives.


*Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is
away.

* Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody
wants to die.


* LUCK...stands for Labouring Under Correct
Knowledge


*Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.


* Never put off the work till
tomorrow. What you can put off today.


*The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.


*Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump & spill
your drink.


*These are my principles. If you don't like them , I
have others. -
> Groucho Marx


*You're twisted, perverted, and sick. I like that in
a person.


*If at first you don't succeed , Sky diving is not
for you.